SUSIE'S VERSION OF OUR CONVERSION TAKEN FROM HER FIRST JOURNAL. SHE WROTE THIS IN 1976. (THIS IS SEVERAL PAGES LONG!) TRANSCRIBED 2021-06-18 [PAGE 20] After graduation, we lived for three weeks in Illinois until Ronnie was transferred to Indiana. There we made our home for a year and a half in a run-down apartment in one of the rougher neighborhoods of Kokomo. [PAGE 21] Sin and immorality were all around us. All the people in our apartment house were young people of a less desirable quality than what we were accustomed to being around. There was a lot of drinking and cursing all the time and all of those people were younger than Ronnie and I. It seems that peole are judged by the company they keep with good reason because soon we were drinking a good bit with them and condoning the immoral that some of them displayed. The girl next door had a lot of problems for a 13-year- old but instead of helping her as we had intended, her influence along with the other kids rubbed off on us. We found that we didn't have the wisdom and experience to counsel a person with such problems as these emotional and spiritually darkened young people. Before long I began to have some very frightening experiences there. I was afraid both day and night. I couldn't cross a dark roomto the light switch and felt as though someone were watching me when I was alone. I was terrified to be left there alone even in the daytime. Ronnie thought I was going crazy and sometimes I did too, but I could just feel an evil presence in the house. [PAGE 22] I now believe that there really was an evil spirit lurking there and that it was the Holy Spirit that aused me to be able to discern it as I became more and more concerned about the bad situation that Ronnie and I were in. As soon as I determined to try and put our lives back in order, I began having those feelings. Finally, we were able to move to a more respectable place and I have never felt that fearful again. While we lived in that apartment, though, we learned some valuable lessons. Far away from friends and family, we learned to rely on our own resources and ingenuity to overcome the problems that come up. We learend to be self-sufficient and to manage our affairs with wisdom. Without help or advice from parents and families, we often learned our lessons the hard way, making many mistakes that were frequently painful and costly. We know now how much sorrow and inconvenience it can save. I hope we will be able to offer that kind of help to our children that they may benefit from the mistakes of their parents and not have to suffer unnecessarily. There will be enough mistakes available for them which we have never experienced that they shouldn't have to learn these hard lessons if they will only listen. [PAGE 23] We learned to lean on each other for all our comfort and to work together for any goal we sought. One of our first arguments was over that "root of all evil" -- money. Both of us worked but we still could not afford extravagances. Ronnie was afraid that I would not be able to spend money wisely so he didn't turn any of it over to me. I, on the other hand, felt that since I worked too, I should have some control over how the money was spent. Ronnie spent money on pipes, tobacco, cigarettes, and liquor fairly regularly without thinking twice about it. He had the money so he spent it. But everything I wanted I had to request money for it which I did often. I wanted movies, clothes, eating out, etc. and because all the things I wanted had to be asked for it seemed that I was always wanting something and that only convinced Ronnie further that I couldn't handle money. Finally things grew hotter and hotter between us until we came to a heated "discussion" as we like to call it. But the result was to bring harmony to our home once again by getting our feelings about the matter out in the open so that each could see the other's viewpoint. Ronnie, realizing that he [PAGE 24] would never know if I could manage money until I had some to manage, turned the large majority of the spending over to me. And I, knowing the fears that Ronnie had of such things as credit cards and debt, promised to make no major decisions without consulting him and to be careful not to upset the delicately balanced budget. That argument was in 1968 and, though we have had many disagreements since, we have never had one over money again because we respect the rights and privileges of each other to determine together the material needs and desires of the family and to determine separately the needs of the individual. Once we were installed in our new apartment on Walnut Street, I quit work so that we could learn to live on Ronnie's income before starting our family. We were not sure we could make it even though Ronnie had gotten several small increases in his salary. Things were very difficult at first but we were so much happier. I loved being there to greet Ronnie when he came home from work and see him off when he had to leave. We planned our expenditures very carefully -- each meal we knew exactly what had to be bought. There wee a lot of dishes we ate that we didnt' really care for, but they were not expensive. We stopped [PAGE 25] eating out, going anywhere that required money, and gave up many of the little pleasures we were accustomed to when we were both worked, but it was all worth it. About this time, several things happened in a short time to prepare us to receive the true gospel. First, we became aware of the evil around us and improved our lives by removing ourselves from it. Second, we decided to have a baby and that led us to want to "grow up" and take responsibility we hadn't cared for before. Third, the circumstances we were in after I quit my job forced us to be humble and gave us more time to spend talking to each other. And fourth, Ronnie, who had smoked cigarettes since he was 9 years old, began to have trouble with his throat hurting and a terrible cough so he switched almost entirely to smoking a pipe. As we began thinking about rearing a child, I wanted us to begin going to church so that we would be better parents. I talked to Ronnie to try and get started finding a church we liked right away. But Ronnie didn't want to go. At first, he gave a variety of excuses, but when he saw tha tI would keep asking each Sunday, he told me he was not interested in going at all. I still kept trying to convince him and finally he admitted that he did not believe in God. [PAGE 26] I was shocked! It seemed to me that the world had ended, for everybody believed in God, I thought. Many people who have known Ronnie all his life do not beieve that he really felt that way. But I was there, and I know him well, and I could see that he was very sincere. We couldn't talk any more for a day or two because I had to have time to analyze this new and vitally important feeling of Ronnie's. I thought about it and worried about it constantly. I had never dreamed that Ronnie had such a trait. I couldn't understand how anyone could come to such a conclusion. I didn't know when I learned to have faith but it must have been very young for I couldn't remember a time that God was not there. Often I lost contact with Him through my own misdeeds but wheneverI needed Him, I knew He was there. Ronnie had not told me his own feelings even though he now said he had felt the same way before we were married. I didn't know what to do. I loved him so much. Ronnie didn't believe in life after death, but I did. I was brought up a Baptist and I had heard much preached about that awful Hell that awaited the unbelievers. I couldn't stand the thought that such a good man as my husband should be consigned there forever. [PAGE 27] I even thought, fleetingly, of denying Christ and going there with him; but my conscience and my faith would not allow that -- even for Ronnie. So I did the only thing I knew to do, the thing I had found comfort in any time my soul was distressed. I prayed. I talked with Ronnie again and again, and prayed that something I said might influence him. I realized how vain and self-sufficient I had felt as a teenager. I thought that I could make Ronnie into a good Baptist any time I wanted. And I had promised the Lord to do it if I could just have him for my husband. How foolish I was to think that I could do such a thing, for it is only the holy Ghost bearing witness to Christ that gives a person faith. Now I knew that it was God Himself who must convert Ronnie and I could only hope to be of some small help. I prayed that God would give me the words He wanted me to speak and the courage to keep trying. It seemed an eternity, but in reality it was only a few days before my prayers were answered. Ronnie was telling me how he had researched the atheist position before deciding that it was right. I heard myself ask why, in his quest for truth, he had not researched the other side. How could he make a wise judgment wihtout a thorough knowledge of both sides. This seemed to impress Ronnie because he was a very fair person. [PAGE 28] I continued to pray for him. I could see that he didn't have enough knowledge of the Bible to have made a fair decision but I could also see that everything I said would have to be proven and I know I didn't have that kind of knowledge. I began to pray that someone would come to visit us from a local church. I felt that a minister could really help Ronnie. One morning, shortly after Ronnie went off to work, two young men came by. I went to the door in my robe since it was so early and I was quite surprised by their message. They asked if I would want to know if there was a prophet on the earth today. I didn't know what they could be talking about but I knew that these two boys were the answer to my prayers. I wanted to invite them in, but my father's teachings abotu what other people would think told me that that would not be proper in the dress I was in. I told them that I couldn't ask them in but that I did want to hear them when my husband was there to hear it too. They made an appointment and went on their way and I closed the door and thanked God for sending them. [PAGE 29] Until they returned, I stayed nervous and debated with myself the wisdom of sending them away the first time. They had walking and it was snowing. I was afraid that they wouldn't come back. When they did come, we had a wonderful discussion. Ronnie and I had so many questions -- but they asked us to be patient and let them explain these new ideas in an orderly manner that we might have a chance to understand the important basic principles first. They didn't explain this at first but as they could see we were eager and that they could not dodge our direct questions without making us think that there were some great mystery about their religion, they promised that all our questions would be answered in due time. They were supposed to leave at a certain time in order to walk back to their apartment before curfew time but we begged them to stay a little longer not realizing that they lived by very rigid rules. The time for them to leave came too soon, but they promised to return in two days, gave us some reading material, and asked us to pray to know the truth. They taught Ronnie the way to pray and made him promise to try even if he didn't believe in God. We were told that if we only had enough faith to want it to be true and exercised that faith as if it were true, we would receive an answer. They also told us of a baptism to be held on February 15, 1969 and invited us to come. [PAGE 30] Ronnie and I did not discuss this new religion with each other much. I guess each of us was too involved with our own personal acceptance of it. I hoped that Ronnie would do as they asked and try to pray. For myself, I was a little afraid of so new and different a faith and belief from those that had served me well. But I did very cautiously study and pray. The next meeting was as exciting as the first. We were shown filmstrips and we learned many things that I already felt were true though no one had told them to me. Some of these were that we lived with God before we were born, that marriages could continue after death, and that there was a plan for those of God's children who never heard of Jesus Christ. Many more things seemed very familiar and though I had not given them much thought, when I heard them I knew immediately that they were right adn true. These were such things as God, the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost being separate members of the Godhead, the Father and Son having bodies just as ours, and that life after death was not either Heaven or Hell with a fine line between the two. [PAGE 31] At this meeting the Elders invited us to a Stake Conference to hear an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ address the members of their church. It was in Indianapolis some 60 miles away but we accepted and managed to find the money to drive down there. We took the elders with us and on this trip we became aware of their problem of not having a car. After this we always took them home from our house when they were there. I don't remember much about that day and nothing at all about the apostle who spoke. I do remember getting up before sunrise to dress and how beautiful the dawn was over the flat plains as we rode. I remember being amazed at Ronnie getting up so early to go to church after all the times I had tired to get him to go. I know that was the most beautiful sunrise I'll ever see! After conference wasover and we were home the elders asked us to come to Sacrament meeting also and we accepted. They told us that it would be quite different from the preaching services we had known and it was. I don't remember anything the speakers said but I do remember how the people welcomed us. They were so friendly. The branch was very small and everyone seemed so pleased that we had come. After the sacrament meeting we went to the home of Brother and Sister Richard Forbes. They had a lovely home and the whole branch came over there to have some snacks and talk. [PAGE 32] It may have been a cottage meeting with some sort of program but I don't remember it. It seemed to me as if the whole branch had just come together to meet us and have a good time. Everyone there talked to us and offered to help. Ronnie found someone who was interested in guitar and several ladies invited me to Relief Society and offered to come and get me even though I lived on the other side of town from most of them. It was the most wonderful evening to end the most wonderful day I had ever known. I believe that I did go to Relief Society the next week or two. And soon I really felt like one of the sisters. The next week after conference we had 3 or 4 discussions and we were like sponges soaking it all up and changing so fast we almost couldn't believe it was happening. As soon as we heard of the Word of Wisdom, Ronnie put down his pipe never to smoke again and poured out a bottle of liquor that we had in a decanter. We quit our coffee and tea without any trouble at all because the Lord was with us. The missionaries wanted to baptize us on Feb. 15, 1969 and we were ready. But it had nly been 2 weeks since we learned of the gospel and we still had one more battle to fight before turning our lives over to Jesus. [PAGE 33] I had been taught all my life from the Bible and I knew quite a few teachings it held. I knew that one was against false prophets and here was a church -- the only church I had ever heard of with a prophet. Satan tried to persuade me that I could not know if this were a true or a false prophet and I was afraid to make a commitment. I had read most of the Book of Mormon and I was sure I had received the testimony of the Holy Ghost that it was true. But I was uncertain that it was translated by a prophet -- Joseph Smith. I was afraid; (I say afraid because I wanted to believe it was all true) but I was afraid that Joseph Smith only found this record as people had found the Dead Sea Scrolls, etc. I prayed harder to be absolutely sure before being baptized and I received some comfort as I remembered how I had prayed for someone to come and talk to Ronnie and how these Elders had come with their message at just the right time. I was comforted by Ronnie's acceptance of it and the conviction he had that it was right. Everything seemed to point to the fact that God had sent the missionaries to us and why would He send us people to help convert us if all they said were not the truth. I still had fears but I agreed to be baptized anyway. I knew that if I were wrong then surely the Lord would understand that I had tried to do the best I could. [PAGE 34] We were the only people being baptized on Feb. 15, the Elders had been so sure of our conversion that they invited us to our own baptism. Ronnie was baptised by Elder Gary E. John and I was baptized by Elder Terrell A. Blake. We were confirmed the same night and given the gift of the Holy Ghost as a constant companion. After that, it seemed that the fears I had quickly fled. Each day I was more sure that I was true.